Thoughtful Notes to the Kazekage
by The Sandslash Named Gaara
Summary: GAARA-SAMA! Many fanatical fangirls send in many different kinds of letters to the popular Kazekage. This is just a snippet of the collection on Gaara's weirdest, corniest, and grammatically incorrect letters sent to him. Get ready to plunge into the world of fangirls, odd requests, dating sites, and extreme humour! PLEASE R/R!
1. Them Photoshoots Tho

**A/N: so as a letter of introduction, I'm taking advantage of the fact that most people read the first chapter of, well, any story. So to keep it short, no, I didn't steal this idea, I literally woke up and thought about it. And I thought my brain worked better at night.**

**And maybe as a warning: this will contain suggestive adult themes and, well, you get the point. Also, this chapter is kind of a rough start, but I promise it gets better. Reader discretion is advised. And don't forget to review if you enjoyed!**

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><p>To: Sabaku-no-Gaara-sama, Fourth Kazekage of the Land of Wind<p>

From: Ikira Hanami

Dear Gaara-sama,

I really appreciate your effort in being the Kazekage, but I have something to ask for you. I'm the vice-president of an athletics company, and I was wondering if you could model for my monthly catalog. I need to make sure you have a six-pack and biceps, preferably. I just can't tell from those dresses that you wear. I hope you reply soon, Kazekage-sama.

Sincerely,

Ikira Hanami, Fit-not-Fat Athletics, Inc.

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><p><strong>The Kazekage's Reply<strong>

Dear Ikira,

I am sorry to say that my schedule is too busy to accommodate the photoshoot. Also, my usual Kage suit and my old outfit are not dresses. On the bright side, I do have somewhat prominent abdominal muscles, but no arm muscles. Maybe you could ask either of my siblings, Temari or Kankuro.

Good luck,

Sabaku no Gaara

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><p><strong>The Kazekage's Thoughts <strong>

If people think the clothes I wear are dresses, then Temari would've failed her job. Yes, I have a personal fashion consultant. No, I do not take any body-building supplements, either. I personally think Temari would do better at the job; she's been asked by modeling agencies before. I just hope there weren't any swimwear segments planned...fangirls particularly like the Speedo ones...

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><p><strong>AN: a little harsh beginning, but it is better in the following chapters, so it would be appreciated if you would continue reading. **

**Little side/disclaimer note: Naruto is not in my ownership, neither is Speedo, but please don't kill me if I did something horribly copyrighted. Anyways, please tell me your thoughts and comments! Thanks a million! **


	2. Things Get on the Odd Side Here

**A/N: as I stated in the last chapter, I'll try to be less corny :) And I will live up to the T rating. **

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><p>To: GAARA-KUNNNN!<p>

From: Your Future Wife

I hope you like matching wedding outfits! And the colorful birth control pills I got from my doctor! I also hope you don't have STD's because my mommy wont't let me date men that has them. Did you know that you can't get rid of them? EEEEE I can't wait until we have little sand-babies!

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><p><strong>The Kazekage's Reply<strong>

No reply had been sent as of date.

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><p><strong>The Kazekage's Thoughts <strong>

...

...

...

I don't know what to say about this. I personally don't want to deal with those fantasizing fangirls I have. Not that I'm proud of them. Plus, if you want to have kids, why take birth control? Well, Gaara's advice of the day is: my decision for abstinence is a smart one, and it has prevailed thus far, which is a smart path to take if you don't want...sand-babies...lovely... I love my life. I wish I could un-read that. Scrap that. I'll just shred the letter. Oh, wait. THERE'S ANOTHER ONE?!

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><p>To: GAARA-KUNNN YOU NEVER RESPONDED<p>

From: Your Future Hater

HOW COULD YOU? Why won't you fall for my sexy body? Now I have to return the wedding stuff! You jerk! I can cook burnt food! I can count! 1234578910! See? I can...can...can be a mommy! Wahhhhhhh! I HATE YOU!

Your hater,

Super kawaii and sexy woman that you'll regret being with in the future.

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><p><strong>The Kazekage's Reply<strong>

Dear...lady

No thank you. Kankuro can take my place.

Gaara

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><p><strong>The Kazekage's Thoughts<strong>

... Yep. Got nothing.

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><p><strong>AN: I have an inability to write T stuff...nevertheless, please review and keep reading for more less-weird chapters!**


	3. Merry Holidays?

**A/N: Hello minna! Another chapter for you peoples, and don't forget to review! If you like this, please keep reading and follow/favourite!**

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><p>To: Mr. Sabaku no Gaara, Fifth Kazekage of the Land of Wind<p>

From: The Hiroshi Family

Seasoning's Greetings from our family to yours! As we are under your leadership, we would like to express our thanks by wishing you a very Merry Thanksgiving, Happy St. Christmas's, and a wonderful 4th of New Year! And for that special someone, in advance, Happy Valentine Egg Hunting!

Lots of turkey,

The Hiroshis

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><p><strong>The Kazekage's Reply<strong>

Dear Hiroshi family,

Thank you for the letter of appreciation regarding the holidays. I also wish you a **Happy** Thanksgiving, a **Merry** Christmas, and a **Happy **New Year. And sadly, I do not have a special someone to spend time with on **Valentine's Day**.

**Season's **Greetings,

Sabaku no Gaara, Fifth Kazekage

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><p><strong>The Kazekage's Thoughts<strong>

I hope they get the clues I put in their letter. And last time I checked, New Year's is on the 1st… And do people go hunting for eggs on Valentine's Day? Unless they want an omelette or something...oh, Kanky's telling me people do...there goes Tem yelling about his inappropriateness...I love my family...

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><p><strong>AN: Yep. I tried to be creative with the holiday mash-ups. PLEASE REVIEW AND LEAVE YOUR THOUGHTS! ARIGATO!**


	4. All the Lovely Lingerie

**A/N: Thanksgiving break is giving me this chance to have ideas for this story, so let's hope my brain works for the time being. ;-; It's creepy how many romance stories there are, because I was browsing (ahem stalking) for my story and I swear my story was the only humour one from the past week.**

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><p>To: Kazekage-sama<p>

From: A discontented old woman

Dear Kazekage-sama,

Although your leadership has pulled us through hard times, I have a suggestion to make. Please have construction workers build balconies so I can take advantage of the bright sun to dry my lingerie. And maybe my husband's, too.

Sincerely,

Grandma Mikita

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><p><strong>The Kazekage's Reply<strong>

Dear Mikita-san,

I would gladly put balconies on people's homes, but the view isn't very nice (I'm working on that) and they didn't make dryers for nothing.

In consideration,

Gaara

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><p><strong>The Kazekage's Thoughts<strong>

Umm…her husband wears lingerie? What is it even? Like Fruit Of The Loom? Or like Victor's Secret? See what I did there? Oh well, at least this wasn't as bad as the last one. I better not jinx it, though.

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><p><strong>AN: DISCLAIMER: I do not own Fruit Of The Loom, or...well...I hope Victor's Secret is unique to me O.o...if not, credit to people who've thought of this before. **

**Please review and leave suggestions! Thanks!**


	5. Dating Site Difficulties

**A/N: I won't post tomorrow, since its Thanksgiving and all. :)**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own eHarmony, nor am I affiliated with them in any way. (Nor do I want to)**

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><p>To: Gaara473829Kazekage<p>

From: eHarmony

Dear User,

We have found new match(es) for you based on other user's criteria and interests. (Visit the site to view your matches!)

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><p>Narutouzu89340 has sent you a message! It reads:<p>

Gaara-kun, I love your manliness.

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><p>Gaarawaifu4950 has sent you a message! It reads:<p>

Come and find me, baby, so we can sleep together and have fun. I love you, Kazekage-sama

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><p>Sandgordlvr12 has sent you a message! It reads:<p>

Send me some of that sand so I can smell it every day. My mom tells me I need a wife, and I want you.

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><p>eHarmony is always here to assist you with all issues with the site. Happy searching!<p>

eHarmony Team

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><p><strong>The Kazekage's Reply<strong>

Dear eHarmony Team,

I would like to stop receiving these dumb updates about people who want to smell my sand. And gay people. Personally I love them, but no thank you.

Best regards,

Sabaku no Gaara, Fifth Kazekage

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><p><strong>The Kazekage's Thoughts<strong>

Does sand even smell? I swear to Kami that these people are crazy. I also have a feeling that Naruto sent me that first message.

Thank you very much, eHarmony.

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><p><strong>AN: Again, next chapter will come Friday the 28th. **

**PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW THANKS! KEEP READING IF YOU ENJOY!**


	6. Not As Young As We Think We Are

**A/N: How was your Thanksgiving? Mine was delicious. **

**This is a funny yet controversial (ish) fic. ****No, its not Ebola or Obama or the Illuminati (what was with that, anyway?). **

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><p>To: Gary-some<p>

From: My mommy mad me rote this

Gara-same my momy tod me too rite this to tell you hoe much you ar awesom at being Kasekagi. I lik yor sand gord vary muc. Thak yo for bieng god pirson.

From: me

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><p><strong>The Kazekage's Reply<strong>

No reply had been sent of date.

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><p><strong>The Kazekage's Thoughts<strong>

However cute this may sound, this is horribly bad grammar. I love my sand gourd very much also. Well, I guess I can reply.

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><p><strong>The Kazekage's Reply<strong>

Hello there, young one. Glad to hear that you enjoy my leadership, and listen to your mother. It comes in handy. Would you like a collectible miniature sand gourd? I can send you one free of charge.

Sincerely, Gaara-sama

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><p>To: GAAAARA-SAME<p>

From: me

Me not yung me tirty thak yo. I wan minii sand goord. Momy veary god pirsen, lov he lotta

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><p><strong>The Kazekage's Reply<strong>

No reply has been sent of date.

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><p><strong>The Kazekage's Thoughts<strong>

Thirty...? Um, let me, uh, send that collectible...

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><p><strong>AN: I hope you can see the controversial-ness. The purpose of using this example is for humourous use only, and not to defile or discriminate against the mentally unhealthy. **

**Don't kill me don't kill me don't kill me**

**PLEASE REVIEW! ARIGATO! **


	7. 20 Questions

**A/N: humour, humour, humour. What do I do? This week's episode came in handy.**

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><p>To: Kazekage-sama<p>

From: Mikiri Aruna, Sunagakure Monthly Magazine

Dearest Gaara-sama,

I would like to ask you some questions in order to create a segment about the wondrous Kazekage in this month's _Sunagakure Monthly_. In order to minimize the hassle of a live interview, I have included the questions that will be presented in the periodical. Please answer them with candor and in a live interview like way, as if you were talking.

Q: What inspired you to strive to become the Kazekage?

Q: How many past loves have you had?

Q: What is your favourite food?

Q: Do you have any advice for young shinobi?

Q: Who is better, Temari or Kankuro?

Q: Do you have a secret obsession?

Q: Best vacation spot?

Q: What other Release would you have other than Sand?

Q: Would you want to have an Optical Dojustu?

Q: Advice for jinchuuriki?

I hope you answer and reply soon. The due date is two weeks from the date on this letter.

Sincerely,

Mikiri Aruna

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><p><strong>The Kazekage's Reply<strong>

Thank you, Ms. Aruna, for this oppourtinity to be interviewed. Here are the answers to the questions asked.

A: I wanted Naruto to be my friend…and also to get free things whenever I go shopping

A: Does my teddy bear count? Otherwise I don't count fangirls. Did you know this one time on April fools Naruto came into my room at 3 AM and used his Harem Jutsu? I just buried him afterwards.

A: Ahhhh…fish bento…or green tea mochi…maybe menma ramen…and we can't go wrong with sukiyaki

A: Strive for the best, because you'll never be like me…aim for Kankuro instead. He's easier to catch up to

A: Obviously Temari. She's more nice that Kanky…and normal…most of the time…she has a little issue with *cough cough* fat bunnies. Kankuro's more demanding

A: Eh…maybe stuffed toys…Pika…

A: I would say a tropical resort with no one else…wait…I already have one

A: The Tsuchikage has an epic ability, but I wouldn't trade it for Mom

A: The Rinnegan is all origins and stuff, and the Sharingan is just plain creepy. So I'll keep my eyeballs for now

A: With Naruto and me as examples, I'm sure you would be fine as long as you controlled your beast.

Regards,

Sabaku no Gaara, Fifth Kazekage

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><p><strong>The Kazekage's Thoughts<strong>

Well, that was fun.

Is it normal to have 250 screaming people in front of your office? Oh wait…Naruto again!? What's the occasion? Black Friday?

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><p><strong>AN: my mom came home with a TV after work and she said, "No more Christmas presents."**

"**Ano…I didn't ask for anything but ok…OOOO IT HAS NETFLIX!"**

**PLEASE REVIEW! ARIGATO!**

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><p><em><strong>If you left a review under the title "what could be," please read this. Otherwise ignore me. Well, this is supposed to be a story where the chapters are short, sweet, straight to the point, and humourous. I am writing a long fic, however, but this is a side project while I write. I did take your suggestions in consideration, and I think the fic in progress is more of an outlet for potential, so to speak. <strong>_


	8. Interesting Items

**A/N: This was an attempt at being T  
><strong>

**I'll probably delete this later **

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><p>To: My Smexy Gaara-kun<p>

From: Safe and Smexy Products, Co., Kanimi Hijikara, Marketing and Sales Director

Dearest Gaara-kun,

Here I have enclosed a few of our newest products (!) for you to try because of popular demand. I am also a fan of you, Kazekage-sama, although our company is based in Konoha. Tsunade gives off too much feminine glam, doesn't she? Anyway, enjoy these products here and please give us your feedback! If you like them, be ready to see advertising opportunities in the future!

With smexy love,

Kanimi Hijikara

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><p><strong>The Kazekage's Reply<strong>

Kanimi Hijikara,

Is there a reason the…items…you sent me are shaped like that? And also why do they smell like cologne? And…no thank you on the commercial opportunity.

Gaara

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><p><strong>The Kazekage's Thoughts<strong>

I cannot get an image of myself advertising…whatever those are…to the public. Oh, Kanky told me they're for…oh. He also said he can imagine the commercial "right before my very eyes." Something about modeling and "wow" sound effects. Ugh.

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><p><strong>Lanette~ I dunno what to feel about this chapter. By the way, the "wow" thing was an idea from Fairy Tail, with which I am obsessed with.<strong>

**Please please please review! **


	9. Pet Party

**A/N: Hello minna! I actually don't know how I'm managing all this—school, admin on Fairy Tail account, FanFiction**

**Anyways, please review if you enjoyed this chapter, and continue reading!**

**Also, I need insight on the last chapter because I have difficulties.**

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><p>To: Fifth Kazekage of Sunagakure<p>

From: Bobo, Suna Pet Factory

Hi, I am the main mascot of Suna Pet Factory, Bobo. You may have seen me advertise on TV or in-store. I have come across a wonderful idea—having the Kazekage model with a couple of our animals! This splendid idea needs action so I have included a package for you. It contains the outfit for you to wear during the photoshoot, which is January 6. I hope it fits your size, and see you there!

Bobo

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><p><strong>The Kazekage's Reply<strong>

Bobo,

Please note that although this date is a month in the future, I may not make it for the photoshoot, as my schedule is busy, and I will have to attend a Five Kage Summit. I am also not the best with animals; they always want to eat and/or lick and/or hump and/or hiss at/on me. My sister, Temari, had a fat rabbit, and it always wanted to dispose of rodent droppings on me. However, Kankuro, my brother, enjoys being with animals and can also fit the suit.

With respect,

Sabaku no Gaara, Fifth Kazekage

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><p><strong>The Kazekage's Thoughts<strong>

In actuality, Kankuro hates animals.

Temari's bunny did in fact always want to pee on me. It later ran away, by the way.

The outfit they sent me was this ridiculous getup that had an apron, large glasses, afro, some sort of hat, and it had a note attached to it saying, "Wear your Kazekage cloak underneath."

No. I refuse. I don't even have a Five Kage Summit. Ha.

The only animal that didn't try to molest me in any way was Shukaku. And Kankuro.

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><p><strong>AN: I really don't know where these ideas come from. **

**PLEASE REVIEW/FOLLOW/FAVOURITE! ANY COMMUNITY INTERACTION IS APPRECIATED! **


	10. Tumblr Amateurs

**A/N: I seriously need to do my research paper, but I'm so lazy**

**I read Namakizakari and it is so adorable :3**

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><p>To: Kazekage-sama<p>

From: Admin, Matsuri's Mantra—Sunagakure's Most Active Blog

As I was doing some maintenance of the website earlier this week, I came across a very interesting thread about you, Kazekage-sama, and I would like for you to take a look at this entry and see if it requires deletion by me, the admin. On a quick note, vulgarities and other inappropriate words will be blocked out by asterisks.

gaaraissenpai: OMG Gaara-sama went shopping today!

kazekagegourd: XD WHERE? I MUST MEET HIM?

gaaraissenpai: Suna Shopping Complex

sabakubrofist: **** YEAH!

kazekagegourd: IKR! Did you know he had plastic surgery to fix his balls?

waifusandyman: WAT. IS THAT EVEN TRUE?

gaaraissenpai: OMG yes I heard about it

sabakubrofist: That is some crazy ****

kazekagegourd: apparently it sparked controversy, like tons

waifusandyman: I bet it made every fangirl on the planet want to have *** w/ him

gaaraissenpai: ;-; probably

gaaraissenpai: wait…but who started that rumour in the first place?

sabakubrofist: I heard it on Suna's Shocking Stories

waifusandyman: like that programme that only talks about Gaara?

kazekagegourd: Gaara and his smexiness **** this ****

gaaraissenpai: LOL we need to see him in real life

sabakubrofist: ******* YEAH!

waifusandyman: TELEPORTING

kazekagegourd: how about 2pm in front of the Kage building?

gaaraissenpai: YASS

sabakubrofist: **** you if you're not there XD jk

waifusandyman: WAIT FOR ME GAARA-KUN, SO WE CAN HAVE ***

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><p><strong>The Kazekage's Reply<strong>

Admin,

Thank you for notifying me of this situation. In answer to your question, yes I would like to have the thread closed and deleted.

Sincerely,

Sabaku no Gaara, Fifth Kazekage

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><p><strong>The Kazekage's Thoughts<strong>

WHO DARED TO PUT SUCH LIES ON TV? ALL MEDIA ALLOWANCES ARE MONITORED BY ME!

No wonder four girls were randomly standing there on Tuesday…

And I thought only women got plastic surgery…does plastic get plastic surgery?

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><p><strong>AN: I'm having such a brain fart ugh ;-;**

**If you're wondering why I "blocked" out the profanities, it's because I can't type them. Don't ask why, I just can't. Asterisks are fine, the meaning is still somewhat there. I still don't know why I can't type them. Oh well. **


	11. A Kiss Udder the Mistletoad

**A/N: sorry for the absence and the short chapter here, I've been pretty busy lately**

**Updates are going to be a little more sporadic, because of the holiday season and my birthday around the corner.**

**PLEASE REVIEW AND TELL ME YOUR THOUGHTS! THANK YOU!**

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><p>To: Tree-mendously awesome Kazekage<p>

From: Seek-ret Santa

Deer Gaara-santa, I wish you a very Mary Christmoose. I hope that you also have a Fleece Navidad, too. And the first time I wrote this, I forgot a letter "L," and the rough draft had a no "L." And since I love you, all I want for Christmas is ewe! Finally, have yoursELF a merry little Christmas!

Love,

Candy Bae

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><p><strong>The Kazekage's Reply<strong>

Happy Holidays to you too! I also wish you a wonderful holiday season!

Sabaku no Gaara, Fifth Kazegake

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><p><strong>The Kazekage's Thoughts<strong>

I'd have to say, this was quite funny when I read it! Mwhahaha time to make my own!

*two hours later*

I saw mommy kissing Santa Jaws

Get it? Get it?

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><p><strong>AN: waaaa this took me fourever and my puns are so baad, they're not even punny. **

**Anyways, my birthday is Monday, so it's very likely I won't update this weekend. Saw-ry!**


	12. Santa Can'ta

**A/N: Gomen for the lack of activity, minna! I've been sick and busy with school and Christmas related activities, so I haven't the time for FanFiction.**

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><p>To: Sabaku no Gaara<p>

From: Santa Claus

Dear Gaara, Sabaku no,

As a personal request from the fat man, Santa's secretary, have been asked to write a letter to you asking for permission. Permission for mass and possibly destructive distribution. As for you, Sabaku no, you will receive a special token for appreciation.

Holiday regards,

Santa Claus

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><p><strong>The Kazekage's Reply<strong>

I am Gaara's brother, Kankuro. Gaara is currently on a trip to meet with world leaders. I have the message of the Kazekage as addressed:

Every year I have had no trouble with the fat guy squishing his way into people's homes to give presents. And now you suddenly throw this on me. No. I want presents delivered personally. How hard is it to give gifts to 50,000 citizens when you supposedly give 7 billion in a day?

As said above, we would greatly appreciate if you would individually deliver gifts.

Kankuro

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><p><strong>The Sender's Reply<strong>

Who is this GAARA you speak of? We asked for a Sabaku no. But this is the same address, so I assume this is the correct response. Very well. We shall deliver the presents individually.

Santa

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><p><strong>The Kazekage's Thoughts <strong>

Dumb elves. They can't get that my name is already in last first format.

Bah hum bug.

And no, Kanky does not write that good. I just wanted to pretend that I wasn't there so they would shut up. Merry Christmas to you all.

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><p><strong>AN: yeah...I'm not so good anymore…**

**Sorry for the mediocre chapter, but please review regardless. It gives me inspiration. **


	13. Merry Christmas Eevee! (No Pun Intended)

**A/N: I don't feel the Christmas hype this year for some reason…so my updates are gonna suck. **

**Please review anyway, though! Arigato!**

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><p>To: Mr. Gaara<p>

From: Reindeer Fashion, Inc.

Dear Kazekage-sama,

As the holiday season approaches its climax, we, the representatives for RFI, would like to offer you a holiday discount on all wool and Kage-approved apparel in our stock! With the included coupon, you can redeem a free—wait for it—candy cane! All attire in the storehouse is paid off in instalments! For the Non-Iron Easy-Care Kazekage Cloak, usually 250 ryou, with payments of 15 ryou a month for 17 months, it is now at a great discount of 10 ryou per month!*

We hope you take advantage of this offer and please enjoy your Christmas!

Murry Christmas,

RFI

* for 24 months

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><p><strong>The Kazekage's Reply<strong>

Deer RFI,

As much as I appreciate your offer, I have a surplus of candy canes and other holiday fare piling up in my now-emptied swimming pool. I might note that half of them are from similar companies offering holiday deals (NOT!)

Happy Holidays,

Gaara Administration—Temari, Kankurō, Gaara

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><p><strong>The Kazekage's Thoughts<strong>

Is there a reason that the discount is 10 times more than the original?

Also Temari hoards candy canes. She claims that she's going to give them out at her upcoming holiday fashion showcase.

Mind you, my swimming pool is approximately 50m long, 25m wide, and ranges from 0.1m to 6m. Do the calculation yourself.

Kanky says he wants eight Eevees and their corresponding stones. I'm not sure that it's a great idea to have eight super fluffy bunny/kitty/foxy thingies run all over the place.

Tem wants, well, a new fan. Maybe some money to go on another shopping spree. More like a shopping-buy-everything-you-see-run.

Me? Well, food. And another teddy bear. And hey, if we're going to have Eevees in the house, why not find an Absol? Or a Dratini. Maybe a Zorura. Eh, nothing can go wrong with a Xerneas, right?

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><p><strong>AN: told you this chapter's horrible. Also I am obsessed with Zinnia's Sorrow Theme from ORAS. And I'm so nerdy :p That's what they say, Gotta catch 'em all!**

**Regardless, Merry Christmas and enjoy the holidays!**

**Please review! **


	14. Aviary Actions

**A/N: Christmas has got me beat. And sick. And my mom has made a mess out of phone companies, so that works out well. **

**I want to use the latest aviary tragedy as a part in this chapter, and as a show of respect, I give my sincere condolences to the families of those who lost their lives in the crash of AirAsia flight QZ8701.**

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><p>To: Kazekage-sama<p>

From: Aeroplane Relief Funds, Konoha Branch

Dear Kazekage-sama, at the request of the current Hokage, Naruto, we have sent this letter to ask of you something important.

Please please please can we come to Suna and steal some money so we can send some Water Release shinobi to the crash site of the recent plane crash thingy thank you very much.

I LOVE YOU KAZEKAGE-SAMA-GAARA-HEICHOU!

Sincerely, ARF, Konoha Branch

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><p><strong>The Kazekage's Reply<strong>

Dear ARF Team,

I would gladly hold a drive to raise money for the cause, but no, you cannot come to Suna without real reason, you cannot steal money (although it would be nice to have someone steal money from all those crooks who stole 500k ryou earlier this week), and ask the Mizukage for those watery ninjas you speak of.

Regards,

Sabaku no Gaara, Fifth Kazekage

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><p><strong>The Kazekage's Thoughts<strong>

Well, that was entertaining in the least. What other company abbreviation sounds like canine noises? And whoever wrote that last part is wacko somewhere.

It just scares me how large my fanbase is…what could it be like in the other countries…uhhh

As always with terrifying tragic happenings, my thoughts and sincerities are with those experiencing grief from the crash.

Talking about criminals, I have been receiving reports that the man in question had a cat-like cloak on…KANKURŌ! GIVE ME MY MONEY BACK YOU…YOU…uh…

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><p><strong>AN: I still suck at writing but I had really no other inspiration for chapter topics. Probably because most of my days consist of watching ORAS playthroughs…**

**I am also really glad that wreckage was found from the accident, so that eliminates the trouble that was with MH370. Dang, there's been so much air activity these days. **

**Enough of this rant, but please be sure to review and leave comments and suggestions for future chapters because my writing is just...**


	15. Tobi Wishes Gaara Birthday Wishes

**A/N: argh. Gomen, minna, gomen. I've been so busy with school and it's literally killing me, so I rarely had any time to beta/write chapters/anything ff related for three weeks. I hope your new year was off to a great start; I was just dumped with work and I became stuck.**

**And my precious Gaara's birthday is here at last. I have no clue technically how old he is; he's probably like 30 or something lol.**

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><p>To: SAAAABAAAKUUUUU NOOO GAAAAAAARAAAAAAA<p>

From: Tobi is a good boy

Mr. Kazekage thingy-sama! Happy birthday! If I'm right, you're 80 right? I hope you don't get Alzheimer's. I gave you an orange mask to hide your wrinkles. Deidara says to say hi.

With lots of love,

TOBI

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><p><strong>The Kazekage's Reply<strong>

Dear Tobi,

Thank you for the birthday wishes from the Akatsuki, I'm assuming. The orange mask is flattering, but sadly I don't have any wrinkles to cover. Maybe ask Tsunade instead. I am also not 80. And I don't want to be. Regardless, thank you for thinking of me and happy belated new year!

Gaara

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><p>To: YAY YOU RESPONDED GAARA-SAMA<p>

From: Tobi is a good boy

Why was your new year bloated? Did you eat too much? Did you know that Konan makes bad sushi? Deidara says to shut up. I'm glad you like the mask and I will send one to Tsunade too to cover her wrinkles.

TOBIIII

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><p><strong>The Kazekage's Thoughts <strong>

Is it normal that I can't stop laughing? My new year was certainly bloated. With letters, fangirls, sand, and puppets. The palace was almost destroyed due to a very clumsy ninja who happened to use a thousand shadow clones to "help" set off fireworks.

Kankurō had to block off the street leading to the building because of the excessive population of women. I hope they were glad with a speck of my sand.

Birthday, birthday, birthday. I'll probably get millions of gifts. It's no big deal; I've already sold about half a million of them on eBay.

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><p><strong>AN: and there it so happens. Happy birthday, Sabaku no Gaara, and the next projected chapter will be about Valentine's Day. **


	16. And Now Back To Another Hiatus

**A/N: I'm back! But it's only for a short while, gomen. School has kept me on my toes, and I haven't much chance to type. Plus I haven't had any ideas lately.**

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><p>To: KAZEKAGE GAARA SENPAI<p>

From: I LOVE YOU SENPAI

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY GAARA-SENPAI! DO YOU REMEMBER ME? (Chapter 2) LET'S GET MARRIED! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! My mother took me to the OB/GYN to get some sorta shot. So now I can get married and have sand babies that look like kawaii racoons! Don't you dare ignore this letter and I don't like Kankuro.

The wonderful kawaii woman who can cook and stuff

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><p><strong>The Kazekage's Reply<strong>

No reply has been sent of date.

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><p><strong>The Kazekage's Thoughts<strong>

Not her again. Do we even have gynaecologists in Suna? And will my children look like racoons? If so, I don't want any children, however cute they may be.

No. just no. lady.

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><p><strong>AN: in reality, I had schoolwork then spent my free time doing my mother's bidding. Also I read Tokyo Ghoul. And maybe memorised a bunch of Fall Out Boy songs…**


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